The shift I didn’t expect in family court.
Leaving abuse is only the first battle. The family court system can feel like another arena of intimidation and silence—but change is happening.
I never thought I’d end up in family court.
Like many survivors, I believed the hardest part would be leaving the abuse. But what I didn’t realize was how much of that abuse—the coercion, the intimidation, the financial manipulation—would follow me into the legal system. Abuse doesn’t always end when the relationship does. Sometimes, it seeps into every corner of the aftermath.
When I filed my application, I carried with me more than just paperwork. I carried years of being told I had no voice. Years of choices made under pressure. Years of silence forced on me by threats and control.
Walking into court, I braced myself for more of the same.
A Different Kind of Experience
And then something unexpected happened.
I found the resolve to apply myself.
Then, once the heavy lifting was initiated, I found a lawyer who didn’t tell me to stay quiet. Who didn’t talk over me. Who didn’t frame me as a problem to be managed. Instead, she asked questions. She listened. She made space for me to contribute.
She reminded me: this is your life, your children, your future.
That shift—being able to participate in my own case—gave me hope that maybe, slowly, the system is changing. That maybe coercive control is finally being recognized for what it is: abuse.
It’s not perfect. Not even close. But I’ve seen sparks of progress. Judges naming coercive control in their decisions. Survivors being heard. Lawyers making room for clients to lead with their lived experience. These changes matter.
Why I’m Sharing This
I know many of you reading this are still on the edge of decision. Some of you are wondering if leaving is even possible. Some of you are staring at a stack of forms, terrified of making a mistake. Some of you are convinced the system is too big, too cold, too confusing for someone like you to navigate.
I’ve been there. And here’s what I want you to know: you are not powerless.
The family court process may feel like a maze, but there are tools to help you through it. Resources designed for you—not just for lawyers, not just for judges, but for anyone trying to survive this process with dignity.
Resources That Helped Me (and Might Help You Too)
💌 Steps to Justice
Plain-language guides, interactive tools, and form-fillers that make the court process less overwhelming.
💌 CLEO (Community Legal Education Ontario)
Flowcharts, practical publications, and guided pathways that explain your rights and the steps in a family law case in a way that makes sense.
💌 CanLII
Free access to laws, regulations, and even past rulings—so you can see with your own eyes how the law is being applied.
These aren’t just websites. They’re lifelines. They reminded me that information is power—and that even if I’m not a lawyer, I deserve to understand the process unfolding around me.
A Note of Hope
If you’ve been silenced in your relationship, family court might feel like just another place where your voice won’t matter. But here’s what I’ve learned: the tide is turning. Slowly. Imperfectly. But turning.
Every survivor who speaks.
Every lawyer who listens.
Every judge who names coercive control for what it is.
Every resource that makes the process clearer and more accessible.
It all adds up.
So wherever you are on this journey—know this: you are not alone. Your story matters. Your voice matters. And though the system can be heavy, we are shifting it, one survivor, one case, one truth at a time.